As a parent, you have probably seen a variety of signs placed on your child’s bedroom door or on a fort they built. Young boys often post signs that read, “no girls allowed,” and teens may post signs reading, “Keep Out! No parents allowed!” They may also have treasures stashed away in the attic, under the bed, or in a special box so no one can find them.

Children who post signs and hide their treasures aren’t necessarily being overly secretive; they are often simply expressing a need for some privacy or alone time. Just like adults, children need a place they can retreat to when they are tired or over stimulated and need to be alone. Kids with introverted personalities require more alone time than those with extroverted personalities. However, both personalities require some privacy every once in a while.

This type of behavior often causes parents to become concerned that their children are doing things they shouldn’t be doing. In some cases, a child or teen could be getting into mischief, but other cases, they may just need some time to themselves. Here are a few ways parents can allow kids privacy without relinquishing all supervision.

• Designate a Location: Create a special place a child can go to when then need a break from everything. If you are concerned about them being behind a closed bedroom door, create an inviting window seat or quiet corner they can go to and not be disturbed.
• Set Boundaries: If a child is using his or her need for privacy as a reason to avoid family gatherings, set a schedule for when it is appropriate to have alone time and when it is family time. Designate enough alone time after getting home from school or before dinner so they are able to cheerfully join the family to eat, do homework or play games in the evening.
• Limit Activities: Keep televisions and computers in an open family room to encourage accountability. It will also help you monitor how much time is spent sitting vs going outside to play.
• Encourage Communication: Teach your children to ask nicely for privacy instead of throwing a fit or demanding it. If they ask politely, be respectful and give them some time by themselves.
• Mutual Respect: Above all, develop a sense of mutual respect and trust with your child. Trust must be earned by both the child and the parent. Children will be much more willing to follow family rules and boundaries if they know you respect their need for privacy.

How much privacy does your child need, and what are ways you give that to them?